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Nobody Likes A Cockblock

Autor: R. Swanson
Publisher:
ISBN: 9780692636756
File Size: 20,26 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
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Nobody Likes A Cockblock is a full color paperback children's book for adults about woodland creature moms and dads just trying to get their swerve on. It's 32-pages of inappropriate prose that will leave you laughing about your sad life. It's perfect for birthday parties, baby showers, baptisms, and of course, wedding presents.

How Not To Kill Your Baby

Autor: Jacob Sager Weinstein
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449410391
File Size: 3,99 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
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"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.

Go The F K To Sleep

Autor: Adam Mansbach
Publisher: Open Road Media
ISBN: 1453224742
File Size: 30,18 MB
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The #1 New York Times Bestseller: “A hilarious take on that age-old problem: getting the beloved child to go to sleep” (NPR). “Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.” Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.

Seriously Just Go To Sleep

Autor: Adam Mansbach
Publisher: Akashic Books
ISBN: 1617753491
File Size: 11,59 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 9334
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"Now there's a version, complete with more of the gorgeous, yet weirdly subversive illustrations. The best part? It's still funny. The rhythms, the plodding rhymes, the illustrations, the clever play on the overused trope of the world at bedtime -- they all work together to take Seriously, Just Go to Sleep beyond parody and into the realm where good children's books belong: things that parents, and children, can honestly come to from different places and enjoy together. I can imagine reading Seriously, Go to Sleep nightly, and even to the point where you're begging the child to choose something else (the ultimate compliment for a picture book) and yet still finding something to enjoy. It captures a different 'zeitgeist' of modern parenting." --New York Times "From the team that touched off the irreverent humor trend Go the F**k to Sleep, author Adam Mansbach and illustrator Ricardo Cortes, comes a new kid-friendly version of their instant comic classic. Seriously, Just Go to Sleep brings children in on the joke, helping them understand their own tactics and why their parents just want them to go . . . to sleep." --Publishers Weekly Critical success for the original Go the F*** to Sleep, a #1 best seller at: New York Times, Amazon.com, Wall Street Journal, Publishers Weekly, and many more! Seriously, Just Go to Sleep is the G-rated, traditional-sized, children's version of the book every parent has been talking about. Go the F*** to Sleep, the picture book for adults, became a cultural sensation by striking a universal chord for parents. Now, Adam Mansbach and Ricardo Cortés reunite with Seriously, Just Go to Sleep, inviting the children themselves in on the joke. As parents know, kids are well aware of how difficult they can be at bedtime. With Cortés's updated illustrations (including a cameo appearance by Samuel L. Jackson, who narrated the audio book version of Go the F*** to Sleep) and Mansbach's new child-appropriate narrative, the book allows kids to recognize their tactics, giggle at their own mischievousness, and empathize with their parents' struggles--a perspective most children's books don't capture. Most importantly, it provides a common ground for children and their parents to talk about one of the most stressful aspects of parenting. Seriously, Just Go to Sleep came to be when Mansbach read a highly censored rendition of the original book to his three-year-old daughter, and she recognized herself as the culprit and was delighted. "We were getting a lot of feedback from parents, saying that their kids loved the book--read in an altered form--because they recognized themselves in the character of the mischievous kid who's winning the bedtime battle, and thought it was hilarious. So we figured we’d do a companion volume that lets kids in on the fun."

If You Give A Bunny A Beer

Autor: Sam Miserendino
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1510734015
File Size: 19,85 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
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The first installment in Sam Miserendino and Mike Odum's Addicted Animal Series, If You Give a Bunny a Beer is a children's book for parents who drink too much. A humorous play off of the famous If You Give a Moose a Muffin, the book tells the story of a rabbit who had just one too many. Following the success of other adult-themed parodies of children?s books, author Sam Miserendino presents a delightful tale that will entertain readers with its charming combination of innocence and lack thereof. Featuring gorgeous full-color illustrations by illustrator Mike Odum that accompany the text, this heartwarming cautionary tale informs readers of the dangers of mixing alcohol and small mammals.

Brenda S Beaver Needs A Barber

Autor: Bimisi Tayanita
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781946178046
File Size: 9,47 MB
Format: PDF
Read: 2363
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Sumguyen has always had a thick mane of hair, in the summer of 2016 he decided to grow a beard. Deep into month three he started to look like an armpit with eyeballs.It was a sultry August night in Old Town Scottsdale as Bimisi and Sumguyen made their way from one bar to another. They took pause to to enjoy the rhythms of a homeless crooner who was soulfully picking his guitar. When Sumguyen threw a five into his tip jar the artist looked up, thanked him with a nod and said, "That is a beautiful beard. My friend Brenda has a beard just like that, but hers doesn't talk."A fair amount of beer sprayed from Bimisi's nose...and just like that they had their subject matter for the final book of season one. Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber is the fifth of five books that make up Reach Around Books Season One.

Ocharlyie S Rhymes From The Niger

Autor: Oribi Charles
Publisher: Author House
ISBN: 1491890479
File Size: 13,98 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
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Rhymes from the Niger This is a collection of poems written as rhymes to help children in their nursery and early primary classes gather knowledge about Nigeria. Using common national symbols and the nation's aesthetics, the author helps the child to not only grasp the early concept of reading but also create a sense of patriotism to their nation and continent. Whether as a class textbook or an evening read after dinner, children will find the book to be fun and educational.

Baby Don T Sh T Your Pants

Autor: White Cedar
Publisher: Bambino
ISBN: 9780692838532
File Size: 3,55 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
Read: 192
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Baby Don't Shit Your Pants is a children's book for adults. Sometimes potty training is overdue. In our story the protagonist is implored by his parents to complete his training. But the child resists. Illustrator Vivian Mineker shows us why the child is loath to part with his poo-poos; he's having too much fun with them.

Meet The Helicopters

Autor: Dan Garblik
Publisher: Daniel & Karin Garblik
ISBN: 9781732434509
File Size: 23,79 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 5517
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Meet the Helicopters is the definitive satire of the modern "helicopter parent," with beautiful imagery that will keep children dreaming of flying high with their mommies and daddies. Meet The Helicopters introduces a loving but overbearing first-time Mommy and Daddy with a special ability to constantly hover over their new baby boy. Follow their adventures to natural food stores, baby meditation, and all other activities that will surely guarantee a perfectly protected, yet enlightened childhood. For extra fun: can you find the hidden pacifier on each page? The authors are Bay Area helicopter parents to two premature sons. They will donate a percentage of sales from this book to the March of Dimes to promote healthy full-term births.

You Re The Reason Mommy Drinks

Autor: Brandon Rhiness
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781788300179
File Size: 13,77 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 3123
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Everyone thinks it, but nobody says it. Finally, there's an author with the courage to write what everyone's been thinking. You're the Reason Mommy Drinks is a children's book that is definitely not for children. But it will leave every mother worldwide nodding her head in agreement.

The Night Of The Iguana

Autor: Tennessee Williams
Publisher: New Directions Publishing
ISBN: 081121852X
File Size: 16,92 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 7953
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Now published for the first time as a trade paperback with a new introduction and the short story on which it was based. Williams wrote: “This is a play about love in its purest terms.” It is also Williams’s robust and persuasive plea for endurance and resistance in the face of human suffering. The earthy widow Maxine Faulk is proprietress of a rundown hotel at the edge of a Mexican cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean where the defrocked Rev. Shannon, his tour group of ladies from a West Texas women’s college, the self-described New England spinster Hannah Jelkes and her ninety-seven-year-old grandfather, Jonathan Coffin (“the world’s oldest living and practicing poet”), a family of grotesque Nazi vacationers, and an iguana tied by its throat to the veranda, all find themselves assembled for a rainy and turbulent night. This is the first trade paperback edition of The Night of the Iguana and comes with an Introduction by award-winning playwright Doug Wright, the author’s original Foreword, the short story “The Night of the Iguana” which was the germ for the play, plus an essay by noted Tennessee Williams scholar, Kenneth Holditch. “I’m tired of conducting services in praise and worship of a senile delinquent—yeah, that’s what I said, I shouted! All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent and, by God, I will not and cannot continue to conduct services in praise and worship of this…this…this angry, petulant old man.” —The Rev. T. Lawrence Shannon, from The Night of the Iguana

Where Willy Went

Autor: Nicholas Allan
Publisher: Knopf Books for Young Readers
ISBN: 0375983805
File Size: 8,67 MB
Format: PDF
Read: 7411
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Never before have the facts of life been presented in such an accessible—or novel—way. Our hero is Willy, a little sperm who lives inside Mr. Browne with 300 million friends. Every day Willy practices for the Great Swimming Race. And when the day arrives, he swims faster than his 300 million friends to win the prize—a marvelous egg. Then something wonderful happens, and eventually Mr. and Mrs. Browne have a baby girl who has the same winning smile as Willy and who grows up to be a great swimmer. Hilariously funny, warm, and endearing, this is a picture book that appeals on different levels to both children and grown-ups. “Fresh, original, and imaginative. . . . Allan’s achievement is in couching fascinating facts within the construct of a gentle, direct narrative. A little knowledge is a wonderful thing, and as the rest of the facts of life fall into place, Allan’s readers will look back on this book with a mixture of fondness and wry amusement.” —The Guardian (UK)

It S A Boy

Autor: Rick Kirkman
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 0740791664
File Size: 26,31 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
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In It’s a Boy, three-year-old Zoe MacPherson goes from exalted Only Child to, ugh, Older Sibling when her parents, Darryl and Wanda, bring home baby Hamish (Hammie, for short).

The Honest Toddler

Autor: Bunmi Laditan
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1476733724
File Size: 7,83 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 3979
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As seen on Good Morning America, the irreverent, bracingly honest, and “awfully funny” (The Boston Globe) satirical parenting guide from the Internet’s most infamous tot, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm have captivated hundreds of thousands of fans. Are you the confused parent of a toddler? Are you constantly disappointing the 2T in your life? Are you tired, stressed out, and looking for relief? I can’t help you with that last one, but if you want to become an A+ servant to your small child, this book is for you. Who better to teach you about toddlers than another toddler? In this book you’ll learn: • How time-outs make you look like a fool • Why potty training is not only unnecessary but unrealistic for children under eighteen • Why toddler beds are OUT and letting your child sleep on the diagonal in your bed is IN • The best way to apologize to your toddler for all of those Pinterest casseroles • That when you love someone, you accept them as they are, pants or no pants The hard-hitting knowledge in The Honest Toddler will save you thousands of dollars in unnecessary whole grains and toothbrushes. Happy reading. You’re doing the right thing. For once.

Mary Has A Little Pussy

Autor: Flyingcorn Publishing
Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform
ISBN: 9781720767817
File Size: 23,58 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Docs
Read: 6105
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Who doesn't love pussy? They are so fluffy, cute and fun to play with! This book of inappropriate prose will leave you laughing and you'll have no choice but to show it to your friends and family. This hilarious children's book for adults is a perfect gift for all occasions - baby showers, birthday parties, wedding gifts. You should probably exercise some discretion while reading to the kids but they'll have no clue as to why you're turning blue with laughter!

Fuck Now There Are Two Of You

Autor: Adam Mansbach
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781617757600
File Size: 27,20 MB
Format: PDF, Docs
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The third installment in Adam Mansbach's international best-selling Go the Fuck to Sleep series addresses, with radical honesty, the family implosion that occurs when a second child arrives.

Thump

Autor: Timothy Lim
Publisher: Post Hill Press
ISBN: 9781682615225
File Size: 23,99 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 9343
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Join Thump—an unassuming, unconventional, and utterly unstoppable bunny—as he campaigns his way across the USA, overcoming the competition and hopping straight into the White House! "Everything about this makes me laugh." - Scott Adams, Creator of Dilbert Whether you want to share the story of Trump’s amazing election with your children or grandchildren, or you just want a callback to your own childhood, THUMP is the perfect retelling of the unforgettable race of 2016. In the year 2016, with a hop, skip and jump, A candidate stormed the stage: A bunny named Thump! His goal is nothing less than to become President And to make America great for each resident! But his campaign trail is fraught with challenge and peril, Attacked on all sides by fiends ferocious and feral! There are traitors and crooks and old establishment guard And rabid media watchdogs unchained from their yard! Will the winningest of bunnies take his greatest stand And find his way to the highest office in the land? We won’t spoil it for you here, but you might have a guess… Come join Thump and his party on the road to success! "Deplorable, but adorable. I love these drawings and believe that every true Trumper should have one on their coffee table to confound whatever liberal friends they have left." (Chuck Dixon, Author of the New York Times #1 Bestsellers, Clinton Cash: A Graphic Novel and The Forgotten Man: Graphic Edition) "Thump and his friends are so adorable you just want to grab them by the ears." (Lisa De Pasquale, Author of The Social Justice Warrior Handbook and I Wish I Might) "The illustrations in this book are fantastic! And Thump the Bunny reminds me of someone, I just can't put my finger on it." (Tom Shillue, host of The Tom Shillue Show and author of Mean Dads for a Better America) "The journey of a patriotic rabbit (Thump) battling the forces attempting to destroy the country he loves, and his willingness to jump whatever obstacles he must to Make America Great Again. Your kids will love it, so will you!" (Scott McEwen, #1 New York Times Bestselling Co-Author of American Sniper and the Nationally Bestselling Sniper Elite Series of novels)

Jock Row

Autor: Sara Ney
Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform
ISBN: 9781717306364
File Size: 6,95 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
Read: 5709
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Scarlett is always the sensible one: The sober driver. The planner. The one holding your hair back while you're worshiping the porcelain gods. Week-after-week, she visits Jock Row with her friends-the universities hottest party scene and breeding ground for student athletes. And if keeping her friends out of trouble, and guys out of their pants, was a sport, she'd be the star athlete. Being a well known jock-blocker gets her noticed for all the wrong reasons; just like that, she's banned from Jock Row. NO GUY WANTS A GIRL AROUND WHO KEEPS THEIR JOCK FRIENDS FROM GETTING LAID. "Rowdy" Wade is the hot shot short-stop for the universities baseball team-and the unlucky bastard who drew the short straw: keep little Miss Goody Two-Shoes out of the Baseball House. But week-after-week Scarlett returns, determined to get inside.

Would You Like To Play With My Pussy

Autor: Gary Galvin
Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform
ISBN: 9781544802084
File Size: 16,60 MB
Format: PDF
Read: 907
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Dear pussy lovers, Do you like to play with pussy? If you do, this is the book for you! This fun, beautiful illustrated playful book will surely crack you up with laughter. The innocent little cute story will get you spend all day reading and laughing. Perfect gifts for adults for all occasions: gag gift, baby showers, birthday parties, and wedding presents. *You should not read this to your children. The must have book for all pussy lovers! Get this book now and start laughing.